


Crystal Haze

by KrimsonMistress



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Gay, Homophobic Language, Horror, Hospital, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Living Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Moving On, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-02-05 02:19:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12784833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrimsonMistress/pseuds/KrimsonMistress
Summary: The horror is over... more or less. Back in the real world Joseph needs to recover from his injuries. Naturally, Sebastian offers him to stay at his place for a while so that he won't be alone in an emergency. But when Sebastian discovers that Joseph is gay, he isn't so sure if that was a good decision anymore...





	1. Awoken

His limbs were deaf. His breath echoed loudly and heavy in his ears. Every breath was agony and took away all his energy. His body was as heavy as steel, and he could barely feel his limbs.

No matter how hard he tried he didn’t even manage to open his eyes. It seemed to be the most complicated thing in the world.

What if he just stopped breathing? But he couldn’t. Something forced him to stay.

 

Joseph blinked. His limbs were still heavy, and he barely couldn’t recognize anything. But the blurriness seemed to clear up with time. He could almost hear someone call his name. Or was it just an illusion? His sight wasn’t very good either, but he didn’t seem to wear his glasses. But was his eyesight really that bad? It wasn’t right? He couldn’t really answer that question because he felt so tired. But didn’t he just wake up?

“Mr. Oda?”

Wasn’t there someone calling his name? It sounded like it but dull… almost like an illusion.

His head hurt. All the thinking exhausted him so much. He just wanted to sleep…

 

When Joseph woke up again he felt a little better. He could feel his limbs again and could hear the surroundings. Something was buzzing, and he heard Water dripping, like a leaky faucet. Furthermore, there was rain pattering on a window. Footsteps. Voices, too far away to understand. Someone was using a door somewhere. Then, near him, the sound of a book page. Someone was reading.

A bit cumbersome, Joseph opened his eyes. Everything was blurry, but he was obviously in a very bright room. It seemed a bit grey but that was probably because of the rain.

“Joseph?!”

There was a loud rustling next to him. He moved his head and was quite amazed by how difficult that was.

“Can you hear me?”

He knew this voice… who was it again…?

“How many fingers?”

Definitely Sebastian…

“Can’t… see… a thing…” Joseph was startled over his own voice. It barely was audible, and his throat was as dry as a desert.

“Can’t see?! Oh shit, I’m calling someone immediately!”

“Glasses…”, Joseph muttered as resigned as possible.

“Glasses! Of course!” Joseph heard chattering and rustling. Then he felt a light pressure on his face.

His sight was getting clear. The first thing he saw, was Sebastian’s worried face. Slowly he realized that he was in a hospital room.

A bit exhausted he looked around. He was plugged into an alarming number of devices.

“I’m getting a doctor. Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be alright.”

Sebastian’s words touched Joseph’s heart. With a light smile on his lips he watched his partner leaving the room.

I didn’t take him long to come back, accompanied with a doctor and a nurse.

“How are you, Mr. Oda?”

Joseph shrugged lightly.

“Doesn’t seem too bad. The movements are fluent.” The doctor bowed down to Joseph. He smelled like germicide.

“Do you mind if I check you up now?”

“No.”

Joseph closed his eyes while the doctor was working on his body. He twitched from time to time, since his body apparently had some parts that hurt like hell, even under minimized pressure.

 

“Well, looks good.”, the doctor finally said. Joseph looked at him and got a little smile. “You’ve survived all surgeries without complications and your wounds are healing well. You’ll be up again soon. You’re a lucky devil, Mr. Oda. One of the bullets in your body missed your heart by a hair.”

“Ah…” Joseph had no idea what the doctor was talking about. It was hard for him to focus and catch a clear thought. He probably was full of medication.

“Rest now. You‘re still weak and sleep is the best medication now.”

The doctor gave him another smile before he left the room, accompanied by the nurse. He was alone with Sebastian again.

“Do you need something?”, he quietly asked

“Water…”, Joseph mumbled and closed his eyes. It felt like he hadn’t drunk anything since weeks.

“I’ll get you some. Don’t run away.”

“Funny…”

With a quiet laugh Sebastian left the room. Joseph waited calmly and looked at the ceiling. He still couldn’t think clear, so he decided to just stop thinking for now.

 

Eventually, Sebastian came back with a plastic cup full of water and a straw. Joseph admired him for thinking of something like that. But on the other hand, it was probably only logical since he wouldn’t be able to drink normally while lying. It was his muddy brain’s fault.

“Here.” Sebastian held the cup, placing the straw in front of his face. Despite the minimalistic gap Joseph needed ages to find grip at the straw. Furthermore, he had to think for a moment how drinking through a straw worked again. But eventually the icy water ran down his throat. He never would have thought this feeling could make him that happy someday.

“You should sleep a little more.”, Sebastian said. “I’ll come looking for you again tomorrow before work.”

Joseph gave him an astonished glance. “Why?”

“Why?” Sebastian scratched his neck. “Out of habit, I guess. I’ve been more often in this room than in my own apartment in the last time.”

“You… what?” Joseph blinked perplexed.

“I was worried. I mean, you got hurt so badly… could’ve ended worse. And I thought you’d be happy to see a familiar face when you wake up.”

“Yeah…” Joseph smiled a little. “I do... I’m happy.”

“I would have called your family or friends… but I’ve noticed that I don’t know them and I didn’t find them in the telephone book either.”

“My family… is in… Canada…”, Joseph muttered. “And… my friend… is you.”

“Yeah, I thought you were a real lone wolf.” Sebastian gently padded his shoulder. “You know that you can count on me.”

“Yes.” Joseph nodded exhausted.

“Then go get some sleep now. See ya later.”

“Could you… take my glasses…?”

“Sure. I’ll drop it next to your bed, so you can reach them if you need them after waking up again.” Sebastian took off Joseph’s glasses.

“Thank you…”, Joseph muttered tiredly. Even before Sebastian had left the room he already fell asleep.


	2. Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph moves in with Sebastian since he needs someone to take care of him.

It took Joseph a few days to be able to think clear again. He was sleeping a lot and took all his medications. Sebastian came to visit him every day. It made Joseph very happy. He probably wasn’t the best company at the moment, but it felt good not to be alone.

Joseph woke up at a Monday. On Saturday of the same week his medication got reduced for the first time. He now wasn’t so tired anymore and could focus on trivial things again. However, he also could feel his wounds now.

 

In the afternoon, Sebastian came to visit him again. It was the first time Joseph actually greeted him.

“You seem to be better.”, Sebastian said with a smile and pulled a chair next to the bed to sit down.

“I don’t get that much medication anymore. Makes me more awake.”

“Well… I’ve overslept today. Sorry. Wanted to come earlier, actually.”

“Sebastian, it’s your free day. If it was up to me, you could sleep the whole time.”

“Not if my partner’s in the hospital.”

“That’s really nice of you.” Joseph smiled at him.

“No problem. You’re probably pretty bored.”

“Yeah, hospital loses its excitement if you aren’t sleeping all day long.” Joseph grabbed his glasses and put them on.

“Well, now I am here.” Sebastian scratched his chin. “But I don’t really know what to do in here, too.”

“Last time I’ve been in a hospital I still was a teenager. I fell down the ladder when we painted the house and broke my leg. It was a pretty complicated fracture. The first thing I saw after my fall was my bone. Pretty scary.”

“Ew.” Sebastian shivered. “I’ve seen a lot of things in my career… especially in the last time… but I still can stand such things.”

“It was disgusting. And since I also caught an infection, I had to stay in hospital for several weeks until everything had healed. I complained a lot, like teenagers do, because I was so bored.”

“Did someone have mercy with you?”

“Yes. My grandfather bought me a Gameboy. I’ve played all night and day… became a bit addicted.”

“So, you’re a gamer?”

“Sebastian, that was many years ago. I don’t own any gaming devices anymore. I don’t even have a computer now.”

“You’ve got nothing but a hospital bed now, to be honest.”

“It’s got a console though. You can operate it up and down.”

Sebastian had to laugh. “Exciting. Really.“

“It’s like a rollercoaster.”

“Okay, how high are you? What’s the stuff they’re giving to you?”

“Why are you a pink elephant?”

“I’m a fat faggot of late.”

“You switched sides? Wow, I’ve missed a lot.”

“You certainly did. Come on honey, give me a kiss. Daddy’s waiting.” Sebastian bowed down to Joseph. He gave him a painful clout.“

“Excuse me, I’m not that easy. I want dinner first. And violin music.”

“Trust me, you don’t want me to play the violin.”

“That’s not what I intended. You shall pay someone to do that who can.”

“All that for a simple kiss? No thanks, I think I’ll go straight again.”

Joseph sighed. “Silly as always.”

“You too. Like always.” Sebastian grabbed Joseph’s hand. “Are you in pain?”

“Not really. Just feeling strange.“

“That will stop. The doctor said that you have a 99% chance of getting completely healthy again. That one percent is just bureaucracy.”

“I know. They told me too. But they also told me that it will take time.” Joseph sighed and caressed Sebastian’s hand for a second. “I’ll probably have to stay here for a long time. They said I could theoretically go home soon, but only if someone can take care of me. I’m living alone, and my apartment is in the fifth floor. The elevator is broken since years, too. That won’t work.”

“You could come to me.”, Sebastian said.

Joseph gave him a nondescript look. “To you?”

“Yeah. My apartment is on the first floor and I’ve got enough space. While I’m off working you could watch TV or read something. And if there’s an emergency you can just call me on the phone. I won’t turn it off.”

“You… really would do that?”

“Of course. You’ve always been there for me as well.” Sebastian smiled a little. “Besides, we’re partners.”

“Can you come here so that I can hug you?”

Chuckling, Sebastian bowed down to Joseph, welcoming his clumsy embrace and carefully padding his back.

“If it becomes too much for you, I’ll go back to the hospital immediately.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll make this.“ Sebastian separated from Joseph again. “I’ll ask if that’s okay when I leave.”

“How… can I ever atone for that?”

“Just get well soon. My new partner is horrible.”

“Who’s your partner now?”

“Hunter, that whippersnapper who just became a detective. He’s an insufferable know-it-all and thinks he’s the smartest person in the world.”

“Poor soul.” Joseph padded Sebastian’s hand.

“Promise me that I can backbite about him when I come home.”

“Did you backbite about me before?”

“No, for god’s sake. I praised you at the most.”

“Sure.” Joseph sighed. “No, it’s okay. I’m not mad.”

“Joseph, whoever’s bitching about you clearly doesn’t know you.”

“If you say so.” Joseph leaned back. “I think I need some sleep now. That talk was really exhausting.”

“Have a Rest. I’ve got an appointment anyways.”

“I won’t stop you.” Joseph took off his glasses and tried to get comfortable.

“See you, partner. Sleep well.”

“See you.” Joseph yawned and snuggled with the blanket. He slept placidly until the next morning.

 

However, in the next days he was haunted by horrible nightmares of monsters, blood, death and Ruvik. Every time he woke up screaming and could hardly calm down. Finally, the doctors gave him a medicine that should provide a dreamless sleep. He was grateful for it, until he realized that the medicine didn’t cooperate well with his other medications. At first, he just got a terrible headache but then vomiting began and he had to stop taking it since he was spitting out every other medication, too.

 

It took two long weeks for his body to recover from that but in the end, he was finally able to leave. The nurse gave him a pair of crutches since he still was very weak and not used to walk anymore. They were of significant help for him on the way to Sebastian’s car. Sebastian helped him on the passenger’s seat and put the crutches on the backseat, before sitting down on the driver’s seat.

“Let’s drive to my home first. I want to grab some stuff.”, Joseph said.

Sebastian nodded. “Just type your address into the satnav.”

Joseph did as he was told, and Sebastian drove to his block. They got lucky and were able to park near the door.

“Leave the crotches, they’re only cumbersome in the staircase. I’ll just support you on one side and on the other you can use the banister.” Sebastian got out of the car.

Joseph opened the front passenger’s door, but he couldn’t get out of the car until Sebastian took his hand and pulled him up.

“You okay? Is it too much?”

“I’m fine.” Joseph took a deep breath. “That’s how pensioners must feel.”

Sebastian had to laugh. “Come on, old fogey.”

“Funny.” Joseph leaned on him while walking and unlocked the front door. The many stairs to his apartment turned out to be a path to hell. In the end Joseph wheezed like a steam train so Sebastian just picked him up and carried him up the last steps.

“You’re as light as a feather.”, he grumbled and dropped him off in front of the apartment door. “You have to eat more.”

“Didn’t work that well during the last days.”

Joseph unlocked the door and entered the apartment. Sebastian followed up on him and looked around. It wasn’t a very large apartment, but it was cozy. He apparently only had a living room, a kitchen and a bathroom. In the living room stood a neatly made up bed next to the window. It had a bedside table which was full of books. One wall of the room was fully covered with a large bookshelf, which contained a lot of books and DVDs, assorted after title. At the wall across the bed stood a TV and a large closet on which doors some characters were printed on. 織田. Sebastian knew that Joseph had Asian roots, but he really didn’t know what language that could be. Probably Chinese or Japanese.

Joseph walked over to the closet with some little wonky steps and opened it up. Slowly, he bend his knees and pulled out a traveling bag.

“Uhm… can I help you?”, Sebastian asked and scratched his head.

“I’m just packing some stuff. I only need a few clothes, that’s nothing I couldn’t handle myself. But you could go to the kitchen and check the groceries. Some of them are probably already rotten and we can take the rest of them with us.”

“All right.” Sebastian entered the kitchen. Of course, it was as tidy as the other room. He didn’t expect anything else.

When he opened the fridge door he the smell of rotten milk run into his nose. He immediately threw away the bottle and then looked at the other contents. Some of them were still good, others not eatable anymore, but a bulk of that groceries he had never seen before in his life. Some kind of Asian stuff. He decided to not throw away that stuff, since he had no idea how it was supposed to look and smell like. He also looked through the cupboards and found some cornflakes and distinct types of pasta. On the windowsill he also found some plants. He didn’t know their names, but he knew that they could be used as a side dish. They didn’t look lost completely, even though they were clearly missing water.

Sebastian took the plants from the windowsill. While doing that, he noticed two photos which were standing between them. One of them showed Joseph as a teenager with an elder Asian man. Probably his grandfather. The other one was taken on the party of Sebastian’s ten-years-of-KCPD-service-anniversary. He had been very happy when the whole department surprised him with that and it sure had become a long party night in the end.

The photo showed him and Joseph, arms wrapped around each other, both wearing stupid party hats and both not quite sober. As far as Sebastian could remember, they had sung karaoke to _Aint no Sunshine_ and Joseph fell asleep on the floor since he couldn’t drink much. Sebastian still had the suspicion that he had been the one who organized that party. But he denied it every time.

 

Sebastian packed the remaining groceries in two bags and went back to the living room, where Joseph currently was fighting with the zipper of his bag. Sebastian closed it for him and padded his hand.

“Wait here for a second, okay? I’ll bring the stuff down to the car.”

“Okay.” Joseph nodded and leaned against the wall. He already seemed very exhausted.

Loaded with traveling bag and groceries, Sebastian went down the stairs to the car and put the stuff into the trunk. Then he picked up Joseph and carefully helped him on the passenger’s seat. He fell asleep before they even reached Sebastian’s apartment.

Sebastian didn’t want to wake him up, so he brought in the luggage first. After that, he carefully picked up Joseph and lay him down on the couch, put off his shoes and covered him with a blanket. Then he placed the groceries in his kitchen and put his bag into the guest room.

Just as he was about to go outside to finally get a smoke, he suddenly heard a whimpering. He immediately looked after Joseph who was tossing and turning on the couch, covered in sweat.

“Joseph…? Hey…” Sebastian gently put a hand on his arm what let Joseph wake up screaming. Immediately Sebastian pulled him close.

“It’s okay. It was just a dream.”

“Sebastian…” Joseph took a deep breath.

“You need help.” Sebastian sat down next to him on the couch.

“What do you mean?”

“Joseph… what happened there at Beacon fucked us all up. You should go see a psychiatrist. I do that too and it’s really helping.”

“You’re probably right.” Joseph smiled a little and placed his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. “But it already helps to be with someone who understands.”

“Of course, I understand.” Sebastian wrapped an arm around him. “Come on, let’s watch some stupid shit.”

“Reality TV?”

“Always working.” Sebastian turned on the TV and surfed through the channels. It didn’t take him long to find a stupid show with no real content.

“You mind if I take a smoke?”, Sebastian asked.

“It’s your apartment, you don’t need my permission.”

“I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable though.”

“Seb, I’ve been passive smoking with you for years now. I won’t feel uncomfortable.”

“Oh… well, okay.” Sebastian lightened up a cigarette. Joseph kept leaning on him, watching the TV.

“Comfortable?”, Sebastian asked while blowing smoke in the air.

“Very.”, Joseph muttered. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had someone to cuddle.”

“When you’re better again, we’ll get you a girlfriend.”

“Don’t you dare!” Joseph snorted. “You’re talking like the people in TV.”

“Now you’re being hard on me.” Sebastian finished his cigarette and lay down on the couch. “Come here.”

“Where to…?”

“To me. You wanted to cuddle someone, right?”

“Yes.” Joseph lay down next to Sebastian and rested his head on his chest. Sebastian pulled up the blanket and it didn’t take Joseph long to fall asleep again, this time quiet and peacefully though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel a bit nostalgic working with this fanfic again, because it is my very first TEW fanfic.  
> Of course TEW 2 will be completely ignored, since I started it a long time ago.  
> It currently has got 14 chapters, so it's not that short, but I never finished it properly and I want to change that. :3  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	3. 織田

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian goes back to work, but not without a little surprise.

Sebastian opened his eyes. The TV was still running, but now it was showing cartoons. The first beams of daybreak shone through the window and he smelled food. Joseph wasn’t with him anymore.

Still sleepy, Sebastian stood up and stretched his muscles. Then he shuffled to the kitchen and was surely amazed by the view he was getting.

Joseph had made an exuberant breakfast. For some reason it lifted his mood immediately. That table had never been set up this neatly before. It almost looked like straight out of a movie.

“Good morning”, said Joseph who was standing at the stove, making perfectly shaped pancakes.

“Uh… morning…” Sebastian was blindsided. Joseph seemed to be an early bird, on contrary to him.

“Sit down. Coffee is ready in a minute.”

“Uhm…” Sebastian plopped down on his chair. “Shouldn’t I be the one taking care of you?”

“But you are. I just made food so that you’ll be able to endure your new partner a little better. I’ve also made a bento for you.”

“What?”

“Packed lunch.” Joseph put the pancakes on the table and poured coffee in Sebastian’s mug. His hands were shaking visibly.

“Joseph. Sit down. It’s enough.”

“I’m fine.” Joseph took a seat at the other side of the table. “It’s a bit too much, maybe, but I didn’t know what you normally eat for breakfast.”

“Booze, usually.”

“Well, some drink their coffee with a bit of rum. Maybe it tastes very well. You could try.”

“Not today.” Sebastian took a sip. “Wow. You certainly know how to make a good coffee.”

“At least I’m a qualified trainee.”

Sebastian had to laugh. “You could become a cook though.”

“I’m an amateur.”

“What are you talking about? How is it even possible to make such perfect pancakes?”

Joseph blushed a little. “I’m glad you like it.”

“If you’ll stay for too long I’ll be super fat.”

“I’ll roll you to work then.” Joseph took a sip from his mug. And suddenly, he started coughing. Sebastian was wide awake and next to him in a second.

“Joseph?!”

“I’m fine… I’m fine. I just choked on the coffee.”

Sebastian took a relived breath and gave Joseph a pat on the back. “At least I’m awake now.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to startle you.”

“It’s fine.” Sebastian plopped back on his chair. Joseph quietly churned butter on his toast but his knife was slipping off all the time.

“Let me help you.” Sebastian stood up again, next to Joseph, churning the butter on his toast.

“I feel like a toddler…”

“Behave and I’ll get you a lollipop.”

“Cherry-taste, please.”

“Alright.” Sebastian had to grin. “I’m sure you’re usually the best butter-churner in the world.”

“Of course. I’ve won the butter-churning-world-cup more than once.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“You should be.” Joseph opened a box, filled with strange, paper-thin green squares and put some of them on his toast.

“What the hell is that?”, Sebastian asked.

“Nori.”

“Bless you.”

Joseph patted Sebastian’s forearm. “Those are dried algae.”, he sighed, as if even the toddlers in Kindergarten would know that.

“And that tastes good?”

“It does for me.”

“You Canucks are strange sometimes.”

Joseph gave him one of his _are-you-being-serious-right-now_ glances. “That’s from Japan, you moron.”

“Yeah, right. Canadians would pour maple syrup on it.”

“Go eat at McDonald’s and get fat, _American_.”, Joseph grumbled.

“Who needs McDonald’s, I’ve got McJoseph’s.”

“Not for very much longer.” Joseph crossed his arms.

“Are you pouting?” Sebastian grinned.

“No!” Joseph huffed and looked away, biting in his toast.

“Cute.” Sebastian ruffled his Joseph’s hair. That resulted in him getting a death glare from his partner. He hated messy hair and Sebastian knew that.

“You look like you’ve been fucking all night long.”, Sebastian continued to banter him.

“Well, that makes you very gay.”, Joseph grumbled and continued eating his toast.

“Not at all.” Sebastian sat down again and ate his breakfast. After he was finished, he helped Joseph clean up. His partner was strangely quiet, but Sebastian didn’t think much about that. He surely just was exhausted. Hopefully his condition wouldn’t get worse again…

“Here.” Joseph gave Sebastian a box to him. “Your lunch.”

“Thanks, but that really isn’t necessary.”

Joseph shrugged with a smile. “I don’t want you to live of McDonald’s. If somebody makes you fat, it’s me.”

Sebastian had to laugh. “Fair enough. I’ll see you in the evening. Just make yourself at home.”

Joseph nodded. “See you later.”

 

Sebastian spent the morning at his desk and worked on some files. It was rather quiet because many of his colleagues were affected of the currently circulating flu epidemic. Thank god Hunter was one of them.

When lunch break started, he first went outside to take a smoke. It started to rain again and got colder. But that was probably normal for late fall.

Sebastian lightened up a cigarette and observed an oppressed paper ghost which was getting tossed around by the wind. A last remain of Halloween.

The brunette shivered. His jacket still was hanging on the hallstand in his office, so he hurried up to get back upstairs quickly.

Without Joseph it just wasn’t the same. His partner loved rainy days and always went outside with him, even though he didn’t smoke. He tried once when Sebastian had offered him a cigarette, but it just made him cough like he’d die any minute. Joseph just had accompanied him out of habit. And probably because he wanted to have a short break of everything as well.

He always said that he liked the smell of rain and Sebastian never understood that. Sunny days were much better in his opinion.

 

After Sebastian bought a coffee at the cafeteria, he went back into his office and sat down at his desk. After he took a sip from his mug he remembered that Joseph had given him the lunch box and put it out of his bag. He opened it and was astonished. The box was filled with various food and a note was pinned on the lid:

 

_I don’t really know your favorites, so I’ve made a few odds and ends. I’m sorry that it’s so much Asian stuff, but I’ve got left a lot of that and I don’t want it to spoil. Tell me what you want for tomorrow._ _織田_ _♡_

Sebastian had to smile. Joseph obviously did put in lots of effort, so he wanted to try everything. Thank god his partner put knife and fork into the box, no chopsticks.

The detective ate everything Joseph put into the box. Some food was tasty, some wasn’t. He didn’t eat Asian food very often and if he did, it was a sushi box from the Japanese shop around the corner. But with Joseph in his house he would get to know much more varieties of Asian dishes.

 

When Sebastian came home in the evening, it already smelled like food again. He put off his shoes and went to the kitchen, where Joseph was standing at the stove and roasted eggs and bacon in a frying pan.

“Bacon is for breakfast.”, Sebastian said as a greeting.

Joseph rolled his eyes. “How should I know? I’m Canadian.”

“You’re living here for about eleven years.”

“That’s way too less time for naturalization. Do you want to eat it or not?”

“Of course, I want to eat it.”

“Sit down then.”

Sebastian sat down at the already set table. “Your packed lunch was amazing, by the way.”

“Thank you.” Joseph put eggs and bacon on his plate and sat down next to him.

“I’m curious, what’s the meaning of that strange Asian characters you wrote on the note? You know, that where the last part kinda looks like a window.”

Joseph had to laugh a little. “That’s just my name.”

“Joseph?”

“Oda.”

“Very complicated for three letters.”

“You can write it easier. But I like the window.”

“Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not.” Joseph took a piece of paper and a biro. “Look, you also can write it like that.” He wrote _オダ_  on the paper.

“Still much more complicated than _O-D-A._ But why are you writing the most difficult version then?”

“I’m just used to it. My grandfather used to write it like that.”

“And how do you write my name?”

“Wait… let me think.”

“Is it that complicated?”

“No, but I haven’t learned Japanese since my youth and I’ve never really used it. You forget stuff.”

“I don’t understand anyway how you can keep all those characters in mind.”

“It’s all practice. Here.” Joseph wrote some more characters on the sheet.

_セバスチャン・カステヤノス_.

“Huh. And what’s that now?”

“Your name. Sebastian Castellanos.”

“Why is it separated by a dot?”

“That’s how you write it in Japan, I don’t know why.” Joseph sighed.

“Japanese do pronounce names very weird, don’t they?”

“You could say that.”

“How is my name pronounced?”

" _Sebasuchan Kasuteyanosu_."

“Holy shit, I sound like one of that Pokémons.”

Joseph had to laugh. “Sebas-chan, I choose you!”

“You have played that, haven’t you?”

“Maybe…” Joseph scratched his head in embarrassment.

 “And what’s your Pokémon name?”

" _Josefu Oda_."

“Not as epic as mine.”

“Because my name already is Japanese.”

“True. That’s interesting though. The only things I knew about Japan until now are sushi and tourists that take lots of photos.”

“I have been to Japan once. Maybe I’ll fly over again when I’m healed.”

“Alone?”

“I’m a big boy, Sebastian. I don’t need a babysitter.”

“You’re clumsy as fuck.”

“I’m not.” He sighed. “My eyes are bad.”

“Show me.” Sebastian took Joseph’s glasses and put them on. He couldn’t really see anything through them but blurry schemes.

“You’re fucking blind.”, he muttered and gave the glasses back to Joseph.

“Don’t exaggerate. And now eat your food. It’s getting cold.”

“What about you?” Sebastian just noticed now that Joseph didn’t put a plate for himself on the table.

“I’m not hungry.” Joseph looked to the ground. “Is it okay if I take a bath?”

“Of course.”

“Can… can you pay attention? I’m afraid to fall asleep.”

“Do you want me to join you in the tub, or what?”

“No…” Joseph sighed quietly. “I just want you to talk to me from time to time.”

“I will. If you want to I’ll just come in and have a chat with you.”

“That’s embarrassing.”

“Joseph, that’s not the first time I’ll see you naked. We changed in front of each other before. What’s the matter?”

“I…” Joseph lowered his head. “I’m shy.”

“Shy?”, Sebastian echoed.

“I don’t like it when people see me naked. I never changed completely in front of you, I always wore shorts.”

“Are you still a virgin?”

“What? No. That’s a completely different topic.”

“Did you do it with clothes on?”

“Of course not…” Joseph sighed. “You’re right. I’m just making a drama out of nothing.”

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s your body and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“Come… come with me, okay? You won’t even see anything in a bubble bath.”

“Exactly.” Sebastian gave him a pat on the back. “Go ahead and make yourself ready. I’ll eat first.”

“Yes.” Joseph nodded and got back up. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything. And you don’t have a body one could be ashamed of.”

Joseph blushed a little. “If you say so.”

“I say so.” Sebastian turned back to his dinner. After the plate was empty he cleaned it up and went to the bathroom.

“May I come in?”, he asked while knocking.

“Yes.”

Sebastian entered the room. Joseph was already lying in the foam-filled bath tub. His clothes were folded up neatly on the washing machine.

Sebastian sat down next to the tub and leaned against the wall. He felt tired as well.

“It feels good.”, Joseph said quietly. “They always cleaned me up with a washcloth in hospital. It was so embarrassing…”

“Was it at least done by a hot nurse?”

“I don’t know. I couldn’t face her, and I didn’t wear my glasses. I only put them on for you.”

“Now I feel honored.”

“You should.” Joseph played a little with the foam.

“How are you? I mean… all in all.”

“I’m okay. The medication makes me very tired though. But I must take it and of course I still feel my wounds. Besides… I’m afraid.”

“I understand. I’m afraid too.”

“Would… it be okay for you if we slept together again?”

“I guess.” Sebastian scratched his head.

“Thanks… really. I… I just need the feeling that somebody’s there now.”

“I’m always there for you.”

“I know.” Joseph smiled a little. “But you have to tell me if I’m too obtrusive.”

“You aren’t. Really. Let’s just sleep on the couch again with stupid TV in the background. I’ll get my bedding and swing out the couch. Then we’ve got a bit more space.”

“Sounds perfect.” Joseph leaned back and closed his eyes. Sebastian took the opportunity to eye him a little. On the left side of his chest was a visible scar from the surgery and across his chest was another wound, that would probably never vanish completely.

Sebastian got away with a few scratches and bruises… next to the mental damage. He almost felt bad that Joseph carried so much more open scars than he did.

“I think I can’t do that.”, Joseph muttered and sat up again.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s burning… everywhere. Please, help me out of here.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Sebastian tucked up his sleeves and helped Joseph out of the bath tub. His partner immediately wrapped a towel around his waist and slipped down to the floor. A bit startled Sebastian noticed that the water swelled Joseph’s wounds.

“Do you think unguent helps?”, he asked a bit helpless.

“Yes… they gave me some. I put it over there.”, Joseph said and pointed next to the sink. Sebastian took the unguent and carefully applicated it on Joseph’s wounds. It seemed to relax him a little.

“You good?”

“Yeah.” Joseph nodded.

“Then put your clothes back on. I’ll prepare the couch.”

“Yes.” A bit clumsy he got up and started to dress himself again.

In the meantime, Sebastian got a pillow and a blanket from his bedroom and expanded the couch. The he turned on the TV and lay down, waiting for his partner.

Joseph came to him a few minutes later. He was dressed in a blue pajama and lay down next to him immediately. Sebastian wrapped his arm around him. It gave him a feeling of safety as well to have him here. It was almost like they could fight the nightmare like that and maybe even destroy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to found the time to prepare another chapter. :D  
> I had to translate it and changed a few things I didn't like at my old version.   
> Again, this fanfic is actuall my first TEW fanfic and I never finished it back then, so it of course does ignore all TEW2 stuff. :3
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	4. College

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting some help and talks about old times.

Sebastian woke up in the middle of the night. It took him a few seconds to overcome his tiredness and to notice what had woken him up. Joseph tossed and turned next to him, his body twitching. He was sweating and whimpered quietly.

Sebastian immediately pulled him into his arms and caressed his back. Little by little Joseph calmed down until he slept peacefully again. Sebastian was relieved and happy that he could continue his own sleep now.

 

When Sebastian woke up again in the morning Joseph was sitting next to him, reading a book. A bit embarrassed, the older one had to notice that it was one of his erotic novels.

“Do you like it?”, he asked as casual as possible.

“Huh.” Joseph looked at him with a serious face. “I’m still looking for the storyline.”

Sebastian had to laugh. “Well, good luck with that.”

“I’m impressed though. I always thought you were too lazy to read and just watch some porn.”

“I never said I wouldn’t do that…” Sebastian scratched his head. “Doesn’t that topic embarrass you at all?”

“Sebastian, we’re both adults.”

“And yet you’re ashamed to take your clothes off.”

“I already said, that’s something different!” Joseph closed the book ruggedly. “I hate eyes on me.”

“That’s how you get the girls.”

Joseph huffed. “I don’t have interest in getting the girls.”

“Is there nobody you like?”

“No. Not interested.”

Sebastian put a hand on Joseph’s shoulder. “Hey, what’s the matter?”

“I already said I’m not interested.” Joseph sighed. “I prefer to be alone. But I do really enjoy your company right now.”

“So you’re the guy for one-night-stands? I didn’t expect that…”

“Seb, I’m not interested in sex at all. It was horrible back then.” Joseph lowered his head. “I’m not against it or anything… but I don’t want to do it again.”

“What the hell? What kind of woman got in your bed?”, Sebastian asked a bit stumbled.

“It doesn’t matter!” Joseph got up. “I’ll make breakfast…”

“Wait…” Sebastian grabbed Joseph’s arm. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

“You didn’t.” Joseph sighed quietly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be so harsh.”

“You know… I get that you’re hiding a lot of stuff and I understand if you don’t want to tell me everything. But like I said, I visit my psychologist once a week. He’s a really good friend of mine and you can trust him with everything.”

“You… are right.” Joseph smiled a little. “I think that’s exactly what I need. But I’ll make food nevertheless.”

“No. You lie down, and I make food.” Sebastian pushed Joseph back on the couch. “You have to take care of yourself.”

“If you say so.” Joseph smiled a little. “But you are right. I’m a bit dizzy.”

“I’ll get you something to drink.” Sebastian went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water, which he brought back to Joseph.

“Thanks.” The younger one took it with a smile. “It’s okay if you make food for yourself only, I’m not hungry.”

“You have to eat.” Sebastian gave him a severe look. “You’ll never get healthy without regular meals.”

“Seb…” Joseph sighed quietly. “I’m not feeling well, and I don’t want to puke on your carpet.”

“Do you really think I would care about that?” Sebastian placed his hand on Joseph’s shoulder. “Try it. You don’t have to eat much.”

“I… I don’t think that’s a clever idea.” Joseph looked down on his hands.

“Soup never harmed anyone. And it’s a satisfying meal for winter.”

“Yeah right… it’s already almost December…” Joseph looked at him. “What kind of soup?”

“Huh… I’ve good noodles. But I could also make a chicken soup.”

“Chicken soup with noodles?” Joseph smiled a little. “Helps everywhere, every time.”

“Aye captain.” Sebastian nodded. “I’ll bring the food here, so you don’t have to get up. And we could watch a movie while eating.”

“Which movie?”

“Pick one.” Sebastian pointed at his DVD-shelf and went back to the kitchen to make soup. When he was finished he filled it in two plates and put those on a tray, which he carried to the living room then.

Joseph already put in a DVD and Sebastian noticed with a little surprise that it was a horror movie.

“You want to watch slasher?”

Joseph nodded. “I’ve always been afraid of that movie but now I should be able to watch it.”

“What kind of logic is that?”

“Mine.” Joseph moved over to make space for him at the couch and Sebastian sat down.

“I still don’t get it.”

“It will give me the feeling of success, because I’ve overcome a fear.” Joseph pressed the _play_ button on the remote control and turned to his soup then. Sebastian shrugged and leaned back. Why not?

“The soup tastes great.”, Joseph said quietly.

“Thanks. But it’s not a big deal. Everyone can make soup.” Sebastian scratched his head.

“Yes but… I’m really grateful… for everything.” And suddenly Joseph hugged him tight. “Thank you.”

“It’s alright… don’t overreact on a soup.”

“It’s not about the soup. It’s about everything.” Joseph rested his head on his shoulder. “And because you’re so warm.”

“Are you cold?”

“Just a bit. But I’ve got the warm soup.”

“Come here.” Sebastian pulled Joseph in his arms and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders.

“I’ll get tired like that…”

“Then sleep. You can eat later.”

“Okay.” Joseph lay down and rested his head in Sebastian’s lap. “Is that okay?”

“Sure. Why wouldn’t it be okay?”

“I don’t know. I’m a bit close.”

Sebastian sighed and took Joseph’s glasses off. “Sleep now.”

“That’s not how it works.”

“Then just rest. And this afternoon I’ll introduce you to my psychologist. His name is Greg and… oh.” Sebastian had to smirk when he noticed that Joseph had already fallen asleep.

 

“Wait, I’ll help you.” Sebastian took Joseph’s crutches and threw them on the backseat of his car. Then he helped him to sit down on the passenger’s seat.

Joseph took a deep exhausted breath. “Damn, now I’ve got even less stamina than you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Hey, I’m only telling the truth! You take a breather after five seconds of sprint… probably the smoking destroyed your lungs.”

“Oh, shut up.” Sebastian sat down on the driver’s seat and started the engine.

“Never.” Joseph smiled innocently.

Out of defiance Sebastian cranked down the window and lightened up a cigarette while driving. However, he was glad that Joseph didn’t comment on it.

 

 Sebastian entered the parking lot of the practice and pulled in the car. Then he helped Joseph to get out of it and handed him his crutches.

“We have to go up to the second floor.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve got this.”

“If you say so.”

Sebastian went ahead and opened the door for Joseph. Of course, he needed help with getting up the stairs, but they managed to get up without any incidents. Sebastian pushed the doorbell under a tag labeled _Doctor Gregory Collins_.

It didn’t take long for the psychologist to open the door. He was as cool as always with his systematically messed up brown hair and the oversized sweatshirt.

“Seb, buddy, you haven’t got an appointment today.”, he greeted the detective.

“I’m not here because of me.” Sebastian pointed at Joseph.

“You want to bring me a new customer?”

“Kind of. He isn’t well at all, Greg.”

“Technically speaking I’m booked out but someone called in ill for the next hour. I could have a look on him.” Greg winked at Joseph. “But you’ll have to wait.”

“Thanks.” Sebastian took Joseph to the waiting room, where an old man and a mother with her little girl were waiting already. Since the child was obviously bored and threw toy blocks at her mother, who obviously wasn’t assertive, they sat down at the other end of the room.

“And, what do you think about him?”, Sebastian asked.

“He seems to be nice.” Joseph smiled a little.

“He is. I know him since college. We shared a room back then.”

“It’s nice if you don’t lose old friends.”

“Yeah, right.” Sebastian gave him a pat on the back. “I could tell you some stories…”

“Then do it.”

“Huh?”

“We’ll have to wait for an hour. I’d like to hear some college stories to kill the time.”

“If you tell me yours as well.” Sebastian grinned. “I want to know the crimes of your youth.”

“My crime was being the nerd who only lived inside his books. The most exciting thing I ever did was sneaking out at night to go swimming in the Ontario. It was freezing, and I’ve got a cold from it.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Our college was almost next to the lake and I could see it through the window of my room. I was very sad at that day and I love swimming and the lake was sparkling in the moonlight… I was acting like a moth, flying to the light. Completely stupid.”

“Well, I did much worse and stupid things in college. I don’t want to brag, but the ladies loved me.”

Joseph had to grin. “Back then. Good old times.”

Sebastian huffed. “Says the nerd who goes swimming at night.”

“I never claimed that someone loved me.”

“You probably had a secret admirer.”

“Yeah, and hell is full of cotton candy. Now tell me your misdeeds.”

“They aren’t G-rated.” Sebastian threw a glance at the now crying girl, that had finally got taken away the toy blocks by her mother.

“You’ve been such a bummer?”

“You could say so. Well, if you’re in the sports team you get a lot of… opportunities.”

“Football?”

“Basketball.”

“You’re slacking off.”

“College is long over…” Sebastian sighed.

“Do you have any child-friendly stories to tell?”

“Well, we’ve once glued the principal with instant adhesive on his chair and when he wanted to get up his trousers ripped open and everyone could see that he was wearing underpants with little ducks on them.”

Joseph had to laugh, which made the other persons in the room look at him. Hastily, he looked down at the floor, a light blush on his cheeks.

“Good old times.” Sebastian sighed.

“Yes. Good old times when you’re climbing naked through the coppice next to the lake in the middle of the night because you’ve forgotten where you’ve put your clothes.”

“What?”

“What?”         

“You were bathing _naked_?”

“Didn’t I mention that?”

Sebastian had to suppress his laughter. “You’ve been a daredevil after all.”

“Not really. I just had forgotten my swimming trunks and was too lazy to walk all the way back.”

“You really are one of a kind.”

“I think that’s best for humanity.”

Sebastian gave him a pat on the back. The older man next to them got called and was visibly glad to finally have an opportunity to escape the room.

“You’ve been in college in Toronto, right?”, Sebastian asked.

“Yes. That’s where I had been living back then. So it was the obvious decision.”

Sebastian nodded. “I’ve been in Oswego back then. That means technically only the lake separated us.”

“Have you been bathing too?”

“I have, but not naked. Or at night.”

“Then I at least did one thing you never did.”

“Looks like it.”

The woman and her child got called as well. Joseph and Sebastian were alone in the waiting room now.

“Tell me your dirty stories now.”, Joseph said immediately.

“If you want to. Well, there’s not that much to tell. I did it with many girls in many places. Greg was even worse than me. We even had those lists where we rated these girls… I’m ashamed for that now. I’ve probably broken some hearts back then.”

“As long as you grow out of this nonsense after puberty it’s alright. You’ve grown up, but others don’t. They continue that behavior for the rest of their lives.”

“I couldn’t do that again. Never.”

“See? Don’t feel sorry. I’m sure all these girls are happy now. Nobody remembers their teenage crush anyways.”

“You’re probably right.”

“I’m always right.” Joseph smiled.

“Well, sometimes I still look after women on the street. You know… when they’re hot. Bad thoughts…”

“Normal thoughts. Do you really think you’re the only one who looks at a person and thinks they’re hot?”

“You’re right… it’s probably in the nature of us guys.”

“Nonsense. Women do that as well.”

“You think so?”

“Are you blind? They’re obvious, especially in groups.”

“You mean when they start giggling?”

“Yes.”

“Everything makes sense now!”

Joseph rolled his eyes. “You’re slow on the uptake.”

“Maybe. But that’s why I’ve got you. Seriously, I wouldn’t have solved some of our cases without your brilliant mind.”

“And I would be dead without you.”, Joseph said quietly. “Very much.”

“I’d always risk my life for you.”

“I… I couldn’t help you. I’m weak… way too weak.”

Sebastian rested his hand on Joseph’s shoulder. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve never been a fighter and you did very good in that nightmare. Besides, you fought so hard against becoming one of them. You aren’t weak at all.”

Joseph smiled a little. “Thank you for thinking like that. It makes me happy.”

“I could never think bad of you.” Sebastian pulled Joseph into a hug.

In this moment Greg entered the room with a smile. “If you’re done snogging I’d like to take the little one with me.”

“Little?” Joseph pouted.

“Don’t be offended, he calls me little too. I guess you’re allowed to say that to anyone with a height of 6’6.” Sebastian gave Joseph a pat on the back. Joseph stood up grumbling and followed Greg out of the room, assisted by his crutches.

Sebastian leaned back in his chair and grabbed a magazine. He really hoped that the talk with the psychologist would help Joseph somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually googled some geography for this chapter... I'm weird. xD  
> I'd really love to visit Toronto one day. But since Mr Garrison nuked the hell out of it it's probably not so nice there anymore. xD Sorry, I'm a South Park Fan. ^^'  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :D 
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	5. Uncovered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian finds out the truth.

When Joseph returned to the waiting room after about an hour he seemed much more relaxed than before. He smiled at Sebastian and muttered: “I’m done.”

“’Kay.” Sebastian stood up and walked back to the car with his partner. Right when he helped him onto the passenger’s seat Greg walked towards them.

“Seb, I’d like to show you something for Taylor’s birthday party for a second. I need you opinion and now you’re already here…”

“Sure.” Sebastian gave Joseph a brief smile. “I’ll be right back.”

“No rush.” Joseph smiled back.

Sebastian followed Greg back to the building. But he didn’t bring him upstairs. He pushed him into the bathroom and locked the door behind them.

“The fuck?”, Sebastian asked a bit confused.

“I just want to be sure that no one listens.”

“I… don’t get it.”

“Seb, this is serious.” Greg placed his hands on Sebastian’s shoulders. “I have to tell you something, but I’m not really allowed to do that. It’s about Joseph.”

“Joseph?”

“Yes. I’m bound to medical confidentiality, but you just have to know that.”

“What?”

“Joseph has a crush on you.”

Sebastian blinked. “What?”

“He is crushing you.”

“Joseph… is gay?”

“Yes. Especially for you. He wants more than just friendship.”

Sebastian brushed over his face. “Are you… sure?”

“He told me.”

“Ah…” Sebastian nodded lightly. “Thanks… I’ll… leave now.”

Greg nodded. “I’m sorry.”

 

Sebastian walked back to the car and climbed in. Without even looking at Joseph he started the engine and left the parking lot.

“What is it? Bad news?”, Joseph asked a little worried.

“You could say so.” Sebastian tightened his grip around the steering wheel.

“Can I… help?”

Sebastian grimly stayed silent for the rest of the way and left the car immediately after he parked it to get a bottle of whiskey from the cupboard in the living room. He filled a glass and sat down on the couch, emptying it in one sip.

“Seb…” Joseph sat down next to him. He seemed out of breath and for a second Sebastian thought about how difficult it must have been for him to get out of the car all by himself. But he didn’t feel compassion. He allowed Joseph to sleep next to him, to touch him, when he was…

“What is it…?” Joseph still seemed worried and put a hand on his cheek.

Sebastian moved away immediately. “Don’t touch me!”

Joseph seemed shocked for a second, then he lowered his head and grabbed his left hand with the right one. “How… how much did he tell you?”, he asked quietly.

“What do you mean…?”

“I’m not dumb. You don’t have to protect him, I won’t tell anyone. Just talk to me. Please.” Joseph looked at him with a begging glance.

“Talking.” Sebastian huffed and filled his glass again. “What should we talk about? You’re a fucking faggot…”

“Yes.” Joseph nodded lightly.

“And you’re crushing me.”

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry.” Sebastian put his glass on the table with a loud bang. “That’s why you’re always jumping on me…”

“I didn’t want to be obtrusive. I…”

“Shut up!”

Joseph twitched at Sebastian’s harsh voice. He crouched down as if he was expecting to get hit.

“Just leave.”, Sebastian said coldly.

“Yes. Thank you… for everything.” Joseph stood up and walked staggering to the guest room where he put his stuff together. After a bit of hesitation, Sebastian followed him.

“Seb… Sebastian… can you… maybe… bring me home?”, Joseph asked quietly.

“Why?”

“Just… forget it.” Joseph closed his bag with shaking fingers and got up. Then he held out his hand for Sebastian to shake. But his partner just turned around and walked back to the couch. All he heard was a quiet “Goodbye” and the sound of the door when Joseph left the house.

With a sigh Sebastian emptied another glass. Had he been too harsh? But Joseph was just a faggot. One of the people he was trained to hate since he had been a little boy. His father even denied that they were real humans. The thought that one of them wanted him was just disgusting… especially because it was his best friend. Best friends don’t want to fuck each other… and Joseph wanted to! He had always been close, day and night!

With every glass of whiskey Sebastian emptied his thoughts got worse and worse until he finally fell asleep.

 

On the next day Sebastian was tired at work. His head hammered because of the hangover and not even the cold shower in the morning made it better.

Hunter was back at work as well and talked to him about unnecessary stuff. Sebastian didn’t listen to any word and sat down at his desk. His thoughts were still fixed on Joseph and now, with a bit of time in between, he knew that he did wrong. Joseph maybe had a crush on him, but he never tried anything. The were partners. Friends. Nothing more. And he knew that.

Sebastian decided to visit Joseph after work and apologize. But at first, he had to deal with Hunter and go on the beat with him after an hour of boring paperwork. The younger one insisted on driving the car and Sebastian didn’t argue with him. It was pointless anyways.

After they had been driving around for a while, a message reached them over the radio. Apparently, there was a jumper on the roof of the mall in Kensington Street. Hunter turned the car into the right direction, but he was driving so slowly that Sebastian’s patience finally dropped.

“Drive fucking faster!”, he yelled at him.

“I’m going to speed limit!”, Hunter complained.

“We are the police, and this is an emergency! If the guy jumped down before we arrive it’s your fault!”

Hunter didn’t say anything anymore and drove faster. When the arrived at the place both got out of the car immediately. In front of the mall a gawping crowd had formed. Sebastian was disgusted by that. No one got up to help that guy. They’d rather see him fall.

“You stay here!”, he yelled at Hunter and ran into the building where he got up as fast as possible. Completely out of breath he arrived at the door to the rooftop and bashed it open. To his luck the guy didn’t jump yet. When he heard Sebastian coming he turned around slowly, still on the edge of the roof. The detective felt his heart stop beating.

“Joseph…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun.  
> I'm sorry that I'm not uploading much at the moment. There's a lot of stuff going on right now. :/  
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	6. SMS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian has to safe his friend now.

The wind was blowing through Joseph’s tousled hair. He didn’t take care about it as usual and he didn’t take care of anything else either. Despite the chilly weather he was only wearing a blue T-shirt and black jeans, combined with white trainers. To others this outfit would seem normal, but Sebastian knew his partner. He’d only wear something like that at home or for sports. He always took diligent care about his hair, always wore dress shirts and never wore trainers unless they were doing sports.

“Joseph, come down there!”, Sebastian yelled in panic and ran towards him.

“Stop or I’ll jump.” Joseph’s voice was shaking but Sebastian knew that he was serious.

“Please… you don’t have to do that!” Every rationality had vanished from Sebastian’s brain. He couldn’t think of anything but to stop Joseph from jumping.

“I don’t have to do that.” Joseph nodded. “I want to do that.”

“No! Listen, I’m sorry! I overreacted! I wanted to visit you after work to say sorry, I swear!”

“Okay.” Joseph turned around to the edge and doddered drastically.

“Joseph!” Sebastian reached out for him. “Please don’t jump! I don’t know what to do without you!”

“Without me you can relax and find a friend who won’t fall in love with you.”

“No! You are my best friend! I’m so sorry for everything… I’m to worst friend to have, but…!”

“I wanted to tell you. For so long. But I’ve been too afraid. Even…” Joseph was shaking now. “Even when I saw the end coming I didn’t have the courage to bring it up. I wouldn’t have changed anything though. I doubt that Ruvik would have cared.”

“Ruvik is gone! It doesn’t matter… please just come down there. Come here!” Sebastian took another step towards Joseph.

“Then what? Will you send me to the mental hospital? Or back to the state hospital?” Joseph sounded tired.

“No! You can come back to me! Just the two of us…”

“That’s exactly what won’t work!” Joseph moved closer to the edge. “I really tried, but I can’t be with you without having false thoughts! You’re right… I like you. More than I should. And I admit that I enjoyed you caring about me like that. I can’t control myself all the time!” Tears were dripping down his cheeks now. “I never would have asked for more. I only wanted to dream for a bit.”

“You can continue to dream!”

“I dream of rest.” Joseph closed his eyes. “Goodbye.”

“No!” Sebastian reacted quickly as Joseph let himself fall and so he managed to grab his partners hand in the last second. Lying on the rooftop he tried to catch Joseph’s other hand as well.

“Stop it! Just let go!” Joseph yelled.

“You either let me help you or I’ll jump with you.”, Sebastian panted. He knew that he couldn’t hold him for much longer.

Joseph just stared at him. And then, after an eternity he reached out for him. Using all his remaining strength, Sebastian pulled him back on the roof. He stumbled backwards and fell on his back, Joseph landing on him. Unable to breath properly he wrapped an arm around the younger one and buried his face in his hair. If he hadn’t been able to hold him all of this would be cold and bloody now. Actually… it was cold.

“You’re freezing.”, Sebastian muttered and put off his coat to wrap it around Joseph’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry.” Joseph was crying now.

“Hey, it’s all good. Come here.” Sebastian pulled him into a tight hug. His partner put off his glasses and buried his head in his chest. Within seconds Sebastian’s shirt was wet of tears. He carefully caressed Joseph’s back.

“Can you forgive me?”, Joseph whispered.

“You did nothing wrong… it’s all my fault.” Sebastian pulled him even closer.

“No. It’s not your fault. I’ve been thinking about doing it for so long…” Joseph wiped over his eyes.

Sebastian felt sick. He remembered Joseph talking about suicide in the chapel… of his fears and not wanting to be himself anymore…

“Joseph… if I’d love a guy it would be you.” Sebastian didn’t even know where these words came from. He’d never thought about that.

“You’re kidding…” Joseph’s blushed deeply.

“I’m serious.” Sebastian placed one hand on Joseph’s cheek. It wasn’t as soft as usual. He didn’t shave.

“S-Seb… s-stop it…” Joseph was trembling now, and he was biting his lower lip. And somehow Sebastian liked it. Was there even such a significant difference between men and women? His lips were as red as Myra’s…

“Seb… t-that’s not funny…”, Joseph muttered and wanted to back away, but Sebastian stopped him, killed his last doubts and pressed his lips on Joseph’s. The kiss was over after a few seconds, but it didn’t feel bad at all. Nevertheless, it left Sebastian confused.

Joseph had blushed deeply and barely even realized what just happened.

“That… wasn’t bad.”, Sebastian muttered. “But I always thought… I’m straight.”

“Maybe… you’re bisexual.”, Joseph said quietly.

“What does that mean?”

Joseph blinked. “You… don’t know what that means?”

“I never was interested in that stuff… there is gay and not gay. And guys who dress up as women.”

Joseph had to smile a little. “Bisexual means… that you swing both ways. It’s like… being bilingual. Do you understand?”

Sebastian nodded and thought back to college time where he checked out Greg’s ass under the shower more than once. “That… would explain a lot of things.”

“Well…” Joseph automatically removed some hair from his face. “You… can do some more tests.”

Sebastian immediately understood, and he didn’t see a reason against it. So, he kissed Joseph again, longer and more intense and it did feel different… and more intimate. He loved the taste of Joseph’s lips, his smell, his… everything. Was he in love with his partner?

“Are you… confident with your sexuality now?”, Joseph asked quietly.

“Not yet.” Sebastian kissed him again and now it wasn’t just pure kissing anymore. Joseph slipped on his lap and fought with his tongue while breathing hard. It was really hot.

“Come on. I’ll take you home.”, Sebastian muttered and looked in to Joseph’s exhausted but happy face.

“To your home?”

“To my home.” Sebastian picked him up and Joseph rested his head on his shoulder. When Sebastian arrived back at the car, he already fell asleep.

“Oh god, Castellanos, that was so cool!”, Hunter greeted him.

“Don’t be so loud. You’ll wake him up.” Sebastian put Joseph down on the back seat of the car and buckled him on carefully.

“What do we do with him now?”, Hunter asked.

“You drive to my apartment now. I’ll leave him there.”

“Your apartment?!”

“Don’t ask and drive!” Sebastian typed in his address on the navigation system and sat down on the back seat to Joseph then. It was the first time he really looked at his partner. He was even paler than usual and there were dark circles around his eyes. He probably didn’t sleep that night.

Sebastian took of his glasses and put them in his shirt. Joseph barely moved. It probably was very uncomfortable to sleep in the car, but it wasn’t a long way to his apartment.

When Hunter parked the car Sebastian immediately got out of it and carried Joseph inside. He carefully placed him on his bed and put off the coat from his shoulders again. Then he covered him with the blanket, put his glasses on the bedside table and kissed his forehead for a second before he went back out again, skillfully ignoring Hunter.

 

On lunch break Sebastian and Hunter returned to the police department. After what had happened before Sebastian absolutely wasn’t hungry and went to his office to have some alone-time. He fell on his chair and rubbed his temples. This day was too much for him and it still was hard to grasp everything that had happened.

With shaking hands, he grabbed his cigarettes to calm down. After lightening one, he leaned back and closed his eyes.

He really kissed Joseph. Even more than once. Was it wrong? It didn’t feel wrong. More like a new chapter. Lily was dead. Myra had vanished without a trace and was probably dead as well. Was it really that wrong to think about a new beginning?

Joseph had always been there for him when he was down. He did prevent him from stupid things more than once and answered all his midnight drunk texts.

Speaking of texts, his cell phone was blinking on his desk, so he probably did get a new one. With a sigh he grabbed and unlocked it. His breath ceased for a second when he read that he had got four new messages from Joseph Oda.

 

_Joseph Oda 9:16am_

_Sebastian. I’m sorry. I just want to tell you that it isn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself, okay? It’s just that all I can see is black and white. No colors. You don’t have to understand it. Just understand that it isn’t your fault._

_Joseph Oda 9:27am_

_I know that you will feel guilty. Please don’t. That is my last will. And maybe cut down the drinking a little._

_Joseph Oda 9:28am_

_I also want you to have all of my stuff. Please make sure that my family gets nothing._

_Joseph Oda 9:33am_

_I love you._

Sebastian’s hands were shaking. He couldn’t really grasp all of it right now, but he did know that Joseph deserved an answer, a _good_ answer to that. So he started typing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tadaaa, another chapter. xD  
> I hope you liked it. x3  
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy

**Author's Note:**

> I've started this fanfiction over one year ago and I think it deserves to get finished at some point. So I'll start uploading it here to motivate myself to finally write an ending. xD  
> Enjoy and leave your opinions, if you want to. :D
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


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